A heart-led approach to help with children's behaviour
Here are some of the principles of the work I do with parents to help with children's behaviour.
Your child has a reason for behaving the way they do
You may be tearing your hair out wondering WHY your child battles you, throws things, has big outbursts etc. No child wakes up in the morning and decides to be difficult. They always have a reason. It's our job to work our their reason (because they may not be able to tell us). From there I can equip you with strategy to help you feel confident in helping them.
Tailored approach to your child
Ever wondered why an approach that works for your friend's child doesn't work with your child? Or why something you read in a book doesn't work either? Because your child is wonderfully unique - and so should our way of helping them. My approach is tailored to how your behaves and responds. This is the opposite of a one-size-fit-all approach.
Your relationship with your child is at the centre of the work we do
There's nothing more important than nurturing your relationship with your child. We never want to reduce the behaviour at expense of the relationship. Love, respect and understanding is at the heart of what we do.
Building a solid foundation for your child's mental health
The way you respond when your child is having a big feeling sends your child a message about how you manage their emotions. We want to make sure that you are calm enough in those tricky moments so that you can respond to your child the way your heart wants to - by showing them their feelings are valid and helping them navigate the feelings. This is such an important lesson to help equip your child for the world.
You need more than strategy
Well, that all sounds lovely, Madeleine, but how the heck do I stay calm when that's a million miles away from I'm feeling in those tricky moments? You need more than strategy otherwise what I teach you will just be just some nice ideas that you will probably beat yourself up for not using. I want the mums I work with to experience real change so we have to increase your capacity to utilise what you know. This starts with supporting the person doing so much supporting - you!
Mindset is the missing piece
You want to be calm but no matter how many times you tell yourself "Be calm, be calm, be calm" you still find yourself losing your cool. And then you feel really guilty. You wonder WHY being calm is darn hard.
Our frustration and lack of calm is fueled by the thoughts we are thinking. But when your life feels like it's in fast-forward you probably aren't aware of the thoughts that trigger your discomfort in those moments (things like "I'm not doing this right"). Becoming aware of these thoughts and learning how to re-train your brain to think calm-generating thoughts is the game changer missing from many parenting approaches. It's why the mums who work with me experience real changes.
Calm is your superpower
For most mums who come and work with me the mindset piece is new. I am expert at walking a new mum through being able to think differently, because helping you be calm is going to have two huge benefits for you and your child.
1. When a child struggles to regulate themselves they tune into the person closest to them. You being calm will help sooth your child and deescalate the situation.
2. When you're calm, your mind is clearer (stress = foggy thinking). Being calmer means you have more capacity to apply the strategies I teach.
Perfection doesn't exist
Hands up if you're hard on yourself? You're not alone. That's one of the number one things that depletes your energy. You are shouting at yourself in your head all day long for not reaching some impossible standard. Leaning into trusting being kind to yourself is a key element of what I teach because it's going to help you boost your energy and sustain your heart-led approach with your child. How can we embrace their messier moments if we can't accept our own?